SCIENTISTS DOUBT EXISTENCE OF DEMOCRATS
Opposition Party Could Be Black Hole, Expert Says
With President George W. Bush’s approval ratings plummeting in recent weeks, the inability on the part of Democrats to capitalize on the president’s waning fortunes has caused some leading scientists to postulate that the Democratic Party may not exist at all.
Dr. Marisa Drazin, a leading scientist who for years has been questioning the existence of Democrats, said today that what many have thought to be the Democratic Party may in fact be nothing more than a black hole.
“When the president loses ten or twelve approval points, one would normally expect those approval points to go to the opposition party,” Dr. Drazin said. “But instead, those points have vanished into thin air, leading one to conclude that the so-called Democratic Party does not exist.”
Theories about the nonexistence of the Democratic Party are nothing new, said Dr. Drazin, who pointed out that scientists first developed them during the 1988 presidential campaign of then-Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis.
While the silence of the Democratic Party in recent weeks seems to bolster theories of the party’s nonexistence, she said, there are still some nagging pieces of evidence to the contrary, such as the perpetually outspoken DNC chairman, former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean.
“I’ve discussed the Howard Dean phenomenon with my colleagues,” Dr. Drazin said. “And it’s the consensus of the scientific community that there is no logical explanation for Howard Dean.” [Because there is no logic in his rants?]
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Democrats and Descartes
Perhaps Descartes was right. Some centuries ago, Descartes coined the phrase, "I think therefore I am." Known by many as the Cogito (Cogito ergo sum), it basically means that since I can think in some way (even doubting many things), since my mind is at work in some way, I must exist. Cogito ergo sum. I must exist because if I did not exist then I could not perform the act of thinking. If I can think, then at least I am certain that I exist.
That said, The Borowitz Report hits on a striking irony:
This just might explain quite a bit.
If thinking is one sign of a thing's existence, then would the contrary be applicable? Non-thinking is a sign of non-existence? The leaders of the Democratic Party and other Leftists are often known for their lack of thought and rational activity with regard to policy decisions (as Dennis Prager has so clearly demonstrated). They are better known for their alleged empathy. They feel the pain of those involved, of those victimized. They express emotional responses to political problems rather than rationally-based answers. They seek legislation that makes certain people "feel" better about issues. Thus, the absence of thinking going on. No thinking, no existence? Hmmm. No political/public existence of Democrats because they are not/cannot think politically? Hmmm. Borowitz might be on to something.
Posted by W. at 1:35 PM